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Freelancer126
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Name: Elizabeth
Interests: teaching the kiddos about science, running, Jim and Pam, sunshine, Target, UK basketball, Bravo shows, practicing a fierce walk, Thai food
Expertise: baking yummy unhealthy desserts, dressing up in costume, dancing and singing in the car while driving
Occupation: Other
Message: message me
Member Since:
5/4/2005
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| Today was the last day of my second trimester. Never fear my loyal xanga readers, I'm talking about school, not any sort of major life changes. No matter what rumors my students are trying to start. Since it was my last day with the biology girls (oh yeah, I'm at a school for teenage moms, which might be important to know for this story), I decided to do a special thing for them with pictures and reflections on the year and really anything I could think of to get them to cry. (And yes, I did succeed). But the coolest part was during 1st hour, which is my honors class. I had seen a few of the students before at the Fellowship for Christian Moms meetings (a spin-off of FCA), and had had a few conversations with some about faith back during our evolution unit. Well, the bell rings for class to begin, they walk in to see a nice table set for them with fancy tablecloths, a plethera of Panera bagels, and apparently "really cute" orange juices. The girls sit around the table and then start joining hands because they want to pray together before eating the breakfast. Ok, we're talking about a public school here. At a public school, during school hours, students initiated prayer. And I got to pray with them. How cool is that? Yet another reminder of how the Lord has blessed me by allowing me to work at this school.
Oh, and then later in the day, I got to break up two separate fights and act as a human shield. Awesome. | | |
| For Thanksgiving, the Barlow children decided to stage a coup and celebrate a turkey-and-stuffing-less weekend 700 miles from any blood relatives. A great time was had by all, especially the almost potty-trained puppy. But like all good things, it had to come to an end, and Jamie and I made our way back to our respective pits of despair. But not without meeting some friendly West-Virginian state troopers.
Here's how it went down. We were making excellent time, in spite of the occasional flurries and misty rain. I had the afternoon shift, while darling little brother slept peacefully in the passenger seat. I follow the interstate around a curve and... WHAT THE CRAP IS IN THE MIDDLE OF MY LANE?!?! Should I swerve? Too late, I ran over the thing five seconds ago. And Jamie is now awake asking what just happened. And the car is driving kind of funny. I tell him I'm not sure but I think we might have a flat tire???
We quickly pull over to inspect the damage, just as monsoon season hits West Virginia. Jamie starts trying to change the tire as I do my share by holding the umbrella. And then we discover how those darn Germans like to do everything different on Volkswagens. Just as I'm thinking about busting out some of my favorite German swear words (why in German? so they can understand me, of course!) when i see the state trooper pulling the object out of the road. Man, it's a good thing he's doing that, cause someone might run over it... oh, wait, that was me that won that lottery. When he ventures down to check on us (Jamie is deep in battle with German machinery at this point), I asked him what that was in the road. "A road sign got knocked over." Oh great, apparently my mocking of the Maryland "Watch Out For Bears" road signs ticked off their posse in West Virginia. By this point Jamie's working on the lugnuts, when we realize there is a lock on it. And continuing our streak of luck, the car was not sold with an adaptor. So as we wait in the car (which didn't matter since it had stopped raining at this point), Jamie mocks me as I say a little prayer over the lugnuts. Laugh now buddy, but you'll be glad when the tow truck driver "just happens" to have an adaptor with him.
The moral of the story? Before a road trip, never say "We don't need to renew our AAA. If we get a flat tire, we both know how to change one." Because that, my friends, will come back to bite you in the ass. | | |
| I've been seeking refuge at Steph's (and Meghan's) house in Indy until we regain power in Louisville. As payment for using the futon, outlets, and access to Bravo, all I had to do was drive Steph to the airport this morning. Pretty important task because I can't throw the kegger until she's out of the city. So I wake up bright and early and have some time before we need to leave, so I tell Steph I'm going to run (meaning drive) down the street to grab some Starbucks for breakfast. Healthy, right? On my way back, a car pulls up beside me and starts honking like a maniac, and I can see some movement out of the corner of my eye. Not to sound conceited, but this has happened enough times that I know it's probably some little teenage boys propositioning me. Usually I don't even acknowledge the other car, but this morning I sensed the Holy Spirit telling me to turn my head and listen. It was an older couple alerting me that I had a flat tire. Oh goody, just the thing I wanted to lip-read.
Since I was almost back to Steph's (and Meghan's), I decided just to get back to the house and check things out there. Yep. A big flat tire. Steph, being the trusting friend that she is let me drive her car to take her to the airport. Considering I have 6 points on my license and recently had a run-in with a drugged up bicyclist (literally, a run-in), this was a pretty brave move on her part. So I get her to the airport in one piece, lots of emotional hugs and tears in the drop-off lane, and then I more importantly get her car back into her garage in one piece. Now comes the fun part.
See, I've never changed a tire. Shocking, right? How have I made it to my age without ever having done this? It's called I can play the cute charming girl card when I want to. And people are usually suckers and fall for it. Wait.... I mean... the Lord has brought kind and generous people into my path when I've been in need. Yeah, that sounds better. And since I am in a city where I don't know many guys or their phone numbers (although who are we kidding, it would be the same if I were back home), I knew there was only 1 person to call: my friend Amanda. Well, she happened to be out of town and busy, so then I managed to track down my dear little brother. Here's a not-so-brief but hopefully funny re-cap of "Barlow Siblings Change A Tire":
Me: "Jamie! I have a flat tire! I need you to walk me through how to change it!"
Jamie: "How do you not know how to change a tire? I know what we're going to be practicing at Thanksgiving."
Me: "Only if we can drink at the same time."
Jamie: "Ok, first you want to get out the spare, the jack, the socket wrench, and the lever-thingy with the hook on the end." (Totally making up words right now because I can't really remember what they're called.) "Blah blah blah, some reference to A Christmas Story in order to explain what these tools look like, blah blah blah."
Me: "Ok, found them. I need to run inside and poop because I just chugged a Starbucks drink, so I'll call you back in a few minutes."
Jamie: "You are the classiest sister I've ever had. It's shocking that guys aren't beating down your door."
(Sixty seconds later. Yes, you read that correctly.)
Me: "Ok, I pulled a muscle trying to pull the jack out of it's compartment, but we're ready to go."
Jamie: "Put the jack under the car. But do it in the right spot, because if you're even the slightest bit off, you will break your car in half."
Me: "Ok, I'm going to aim for this bit, and hope for the best. It seems to be working. I'm trying to raise the jack, but I can barely move the lever. I've only twisted it halfway around and already it's stuck and I'm exhausted."
Jamie: "You do know you can keep readjusting the position of the lever, right?"
Me: "I know that now. This is much easier. I could do this all day. Ok, the car is raised. What's next?"
Jamie: "You need a flathead screwdriver to pop off the wheel cover."
Me: "I'm going to have to get back to you." (Hangs up the phone. Brief intermission as I play "If I were Steph and Meg, where would I hide a flat-head screwdriver? I win the game.)
Jamie: "After the cover is off, now comes the hard part. You have to unscrew the nuts."
Me: "We haven't even gotten to the hard part yet? You've got to be f***ing kidding me!"
Jamie: "Again, such a classy sister."
Me: "I have hardly any upper body strength. The only lifting I do involves lifting food to my mouth."
Jamie: "And again, I know what we're going to be doing at Thanksgiving."
Me: "I'm trying to unscrew the nuts, but the tire keeps spinning!"
Jamie: "Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you to put on the emergency brake. How careless of me!"
Me: "That's ok, I forgive you. We all make mistakes. And I am all about extending grace to others. I am going to hang up the phone so that I can focus and use both hands. I'll call you back in a bit." (A second intermission as I have a heart-to-heart with God about how He has kept me single so now He gets to give me super-human physical strength to do this on my own since I don't have a boyfriend/husband to call on. God grants me said strength and all four nuts come loose. But not before I lose my balance and fall on my ass.)
Jamie: "Should be pretty easy from here on out. Just take the old tire off, put the spare on, then lower the jack back down."
Me: "Done! That was kind of empowering."
Jamie: "Glad to be of help. Now go listen to some Aretha Franklin."
Me: "Actually, I was thinking more like Pat Benetar."
So there you go. My first tire-changing experience exactly how it happened, word for word, and not at all embellished. | | |
| So here's the thing. I live in Kentucky. We get our fair share of snow, ice, tornados, cicadas... but we're not accustomed to dealing with hurricanes. So yesterday the remnants of Ike apparently "mated" with another pressure/air system. I don't know. I tried to sort through the weatherman's explanation. The best I could figure out was we got the ugly child of two crazy weather systems.
Everything was fine and dandy when I went to church. A little breezy, but that's what pony-tail holders are for. Then as I was driving home from church, I started noticing it was now really windy. And lots of leaves and loose paper were blowing around. Still, no big deal. Well, my first clue should have been when I stopped by the grocery store on the way home and was told by the makeshift bouncer that they were closing because of a power outage. I was pretty desperate for some food, so I decided to keep driving until I got to the next store. I noticed a few intersections had lights out, but I kept going. If things were really bad, the radio would announce it or the sirens would go off or something... wouldn't they? Or maybe they just leave us to figure stuff out on our own.
I reached the second Kroger and as I'm walking into the store, I see those big metal corrals that hold the grocery carts BLOWING ACROSS THE PARKING LOT!!! But do I get back in my car and go home? No. I may act like a dumbass at times, but I'm no pansy. So I get my groceries faster than Phelps can swim the 100m fly and I'm back in my car. The car ride home was probably the most terrifying driving experience I've had in my 12+ years on the road. The wind was absolutely insane. By now branches were flying around (how my windshield survived one particular whack, I don't know), my car felt like it was going to tip over, trees and power lines were blocking roads. You bet I was doing some last minute confessing of sin.
I finally make it back to our road, and I start approaching the entrance to my apartment complex. We sit up on the top of a hill. A hill with lots and lots and LOTS of trees. The entrance I usually take is a long winding road that is covered by so many tall trees that you usually can't see the light of day. By this point my common sense is starting to kick in, so I decide NOT to take the Tunnel of Death, but instead to go up an alternate route. I get up to our complex where I see trees have fallen, blocking some buildings. I played the fun game "Which tree would cause the least damage if it falls on my car" when choosing my parking space, get inside, and... no electricity. So much for all the groceries I just bought. My roommate called and was on her way home, and was having an equally terrifying drive. By the time she got to our neighborhood, 3 of the 4 ways into our complex were blocked by fallen trees.
Since then, 60% of our city has been without power. 3000 power lines have been down. At least 100 roads have been blocked. Over 100 schools have been without power, so school has been canceled for at least 2 days. Rumor is it could be 10-14 days until power is restored. Pretty crazy.
I hope future weather systems are sterile. No more crazy wind babies! | | |
| Ok boys and girls. Gather around for story time. This is one I like to call, "The Tale Of The Awkward Guy Who Was Allowed To Interact With The Public".
A long time ago, in a land far, far away... actually, it was less than a month ago and only about 75 miles away, a group of four friends traveled from four corners of their village to go see a knight. A Dark Knight. Who some villagers might have had crushes on since hearing this knight sing and dance on the fake streets of New York.
The fair maiden Elizabeth and her noble brother Jamie/James/Whatever he goes by these days arrived at the Castle Cinemark first. They approached the entrance to pay the toll to see the Knight. However, the merchant, we shall call him Sir Awkward, sought information from the brother and sister. Such as, were they a couple? The noble brother, who is currently training to be a wing-man, did not see the trap until it was too late, and answered that they were brother and sister, not boyfriend and girlfriend. Sensing danger and knowing that her dear brother could not save her honor, the sister led her brother away to a haven by the bar. But it was too late. Sir Awkward followed their trail and attempted to take the pair on a tour of the castle, one that would surely lead to awkward small talk, polite smiles, and uncomfortable questions.
But before Sir Awkward could escape with his prey, another fair maiden entered the castle. Stacy, unaware of the dangers that awaited her, approached the merchant's booth while her friends watched helplessly from the safety of the bar. At first it seemed that she would be able to move past the entrance and see her Dark Knight. But then Sir Awkward, sensing that his opportunity was escaping, asked "What are you wearing?" (Yes, you read that correctly.) Bewildered by the query, Lady Sample responded, "What?" "What are you wearing?" Sir Awkward repeated. Lady Sample, still unsure of his meaning asked "What do you mean?" Sir Awkward then continued, "What scent are you wearing?" With no knight around to save her, the maiden mumbled a response about Bath and Body Works, caused a distraction, and then fled to the bar area to find her friends. The maidens decided it was too dangerous to remain so close to where Sir Awkward was stationed, so with their group will incomplete, they traveled through the darkened corridors and caverns of the castle until they came to the place where the Dark Knight would soon appear.
While they enjoyed a feast and entertainment, the fourth friend had arrived at the castle, alone and unsuspecting. Something that Sir Awkward could use to his advantage. He began his interrogation of Princess Sarah by asking "So, are you here alone?" Though Princess Sarah was a youth, she possessed great wisdom and fled from the merchant's booth before he could find his answer.
Once all of the friends were re-united, they were finally able to see The Dark Knight. After leaving the company of the Dark Knight, they found a secret passage out of the castle so that they would not have to pass by Sir Awkward again. In the safety of the parking lot, they were able to share their tales of their journeys. After many hugs and goodbyes, the four friends parted ways.
And they all lived happily every after.
The End.
(And the moral of this story? Awkward guys should not be allowed to work customer service positions.) | | |
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